What is a Narcissist? A Sociopath? A Psychopath?

These diagnostic labels are thrown around rather loosely today. Sometimes, as if they were synonymous. While they do have overlapping features, they are also distinct.

Their overlapping features include self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, entitlement, manipulation, control, lying, projection, deception, blame, scapegoating, and deflection. They don’t take responsibility; they rationalize and justify. They don’t apologize.

What distinguishes them?

Narcissists

Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self importance, but at the same time a fragile ego that is averse to criticism or blame. They are always seeking “narcissistic supply“ in the form of validation, affirmations, accolades, recognition and status. This self-focus leaves little room to focus upon others; thus the lack of empathy. And since empathy is the beginning of a safe relationship, narcissism interferes with relationships. Relationships require heart to heart connection through consideration of another’s feelings, situation, and needs, and a compassionate desire to be there for the other person. For the narcissist, others are considered only for how they can benefit the narcissist. People are means to an end.

Unlike sociopaths and psychopaths, narcissists have a conscience; they can feel guilt. They recognize right from wrong. They simply justify not doing right in order to get what they want. But guilt doesn’t necessarily bring shame. Shame is public; it comes with exposure. Since image is important to a narcissist, they hate public shame. If they can, they will avoid it; if not, they will lash out against it with denial, blame or deflection.

Narcissism comes in two flavors: covert and overt (a.k.a. vulnerable and grandiose). In both cases, self-centeredness is central, as is arrogance in the sense of feeling superior to others and therefore entitled. The covert/vulnerable narcissist, however, does not have this self-image mirrored back to him by others and by society and is therefore insecure. He feels misunderstood, and is distressed by criticism and at being kept down. He may therefore appear shy and lacking in confidence, while internally holding onto his superiority. Presentation is hard to distinguish from anxiety or depression. The grandiose narcissist gets his elevated self-image mirrored back to him as others pay attention to his appearance or status or wealth.

Sociopaths

What distinguishes sociopathy from narcissism? Sociopaths are narcissistic in that they lack empathy, lack integrity, disregard rules and laws, and behave antisocially—violating courtesy, politeness and other social norms that protect human relationships (thus the clinical label, Antisocial Personality Disorder). But, unlike narcissists, sociopaths lack the need for constant validation and affirmation. Thus, all sociopaths and psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths or psychopaths. Sociopaths violate social norms without thinking through the ramifications. They might impulsively rob a store or steal a car just to fill a short-term desire. They will lie and manipulate like any narcissist, using people and situations as utilitarian, without concern for their well-being. Despite their ability to endear themselves enough to get hired, their aversion to rules, protocol, and etiquette gets them fired.

Sociopaths are con men (or women); they have learned to manipulate and control people and their environment to secure their ends, regardless of boundaries, propriety, faithfulness, or integrity. This deadening of the conscience and dissociation from scruples was learned. It may have come through dysfunctional parenting, a rough neighborhood or peer group, gang membership, etc. Whatever the path, they have come to think that the rules do not apply to them. They find it an annoyance to be charged with an infraction, and a miscarriage of justice to be held to the same standard as everyone else. You’ll be hearing from their lawyer. Life is a game; a contest, and the goal is to win; to defeat losers. They relish defeating a weaker opponent, pulling one over on a “chump,“ or taking advantage of the vulnerable. There is no good sportsmanship, no compassion for the underdog, no helping hand, unless it improves their image or otherwise benefits them.

A sociopath can be hard to detect at first, as their presentation can be impressive. But, eventually their victim finds themselves entrapped in a self-serving web.  The facade falls away, exposing it as manipulative bait. What had seemed altruistic was self-serving. What looked like love was a lure to gain trust in order to satisfy lust, greed, or to seize control.

Psychopaths

What distinguishes psychopaths from sociopaths? The pathology of psychopaths runs deeper, to cerebral malfunctioning. Sociopathy is learned; psychopathy is innate. Psychopaths are born, not made. Cruelty and lack of remorse are evident even in childhood.

Psychopaths lack scruples regarding deceit, violent aggression, and the inflicting of pain and suffering upon others. Psychopaths have no qualms about harming others; they can injure people, be cruel to animals, and damage property, all without ever feeling badly. Because they are emotionless, they can maintain precision self-control while lying, wounding, or even—in extreme cases— killing. These are people who can lie on polygraph tests and get away with it.

Psychopaths devise a calculated plan to harm or destroy others, while protecting themselves from detection or consequences. Instead of the guilt most people feel after causing harm, the psychopath finds it pleasureful. That which would make others cry, makes them laugh. They enjoy inflicting pain, suffering, and anarchy. The amygdalae and other parts of the limbic system of psychopaths do not process emotions as do normally-functioning brains. Since emotional safety is the basis upon which we bond with another person - especially in an intimate relationship - psychopaths tragically cannot form truly loving, intimate relationships. Their relationships with people will be parasitic and exploitative from the start, though concealed at first. They cannot be trusted to be protective of those in their care.

So, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths share some traits, such as selfishness, lack of empathy, manipulation, deception, controlling for personal gain, and relationship impairment. But they are not the same, even if popular culture equates them.

A Spectrum

To further confuse things, they exist on a spectrum. What I’ve painted above is on the extreme end of the scale, qualifying as a clinical personality disorder in each category. But people can have some narcissistic or sociopathic or (to a lesser degree) psychopathic traits without qualifying for a full-blown personality disorder. Depending on cultural influences, grandiosity, arrogance, vanity, entitlement, and selfish behavior may even be normalized, tolerated or applauded.

Whether persons on the extremes of these populations are hopelessly incurable is a matter of debate. Some helping fields hold out hope on the basis of corrective life experiences, relationships with healthy secure people, psychotherapy, EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy), and spiritual transformation. With these interventions, some can learn to recognize, resist, or even replace maladaptive traits to conform to acceptable and relationally effective behavior. Some therapies are more adept at bringing behavioral change, some at healing trauma, and some at replacing an internal schema.

If the individual’s spiritual journey puts them in touch with Love, the sojourner may even come to dispense externally what he or she has experienced internally.